It is never too late to explore and assert our identity.
We spend time looking at the why of a situation and get stuck there instead of asking how to take information from the situation to reflect on self and find ownership of beliefs and perceived or actual roles that are limiting.
As adults it is uncomfortable to realize we still need to develop, refine or rediscover what we value and how to move toward that in the reality that is our life in this moment, today. At any stage of the human process, we can reinforce our worth by prioritizing personal rights.
These are some journal prompts to explore values, personal rights, emotions being survivable and our underestimation of ourselves.
What are the top 3 things you value?
How do you honour that value?
Think of a time when you failed to prioritize that value?
What were the feelings and was there an action you took (and/or an action you wish you took)?
Boundaries keep us aligned with what we value. People pleasing by making what anyone else values more important or believing the way another person interprets actions toward a value is stealing from our personal worth. It can be confusing, but sadness and sorrow are evidence we are potentially doing this.
Describe a time you experienced feelings of sadness and explore how disrespect, feeling misunderstood and unheard was involved in the sadness and what other feelings may be present due to the situation creating sadness.
Describe the communication, lack of communication or one sidedness of the communication.
How you think communication factors may have contributed to the feelings in or after the situation?
Guilt, toxic positivity and exhaustion for living up to the expectations we think others have of us and the unrealistic ones we have of ourselves further limit communicating our needs and our boundaries. We have learned to fear what others think of us and undermine ourselves with this obsessive focus and feed into narratives that feel true and cause fear that is emotionally painful to think about changing because of the enormity of our internal belief this is a risk to our survival.
What are some expectations you have for yourself that have developed out of the expectations of others?
Describe when expectations that belong to others have given you self-doubt, changed your mood and contributed to resentment toward yourself, others or a situation.
What personal rights or personal values were not made a priority in this situation?
What boundaries with yourself or someone else could prevent feelings of resentment, self-doubt and inadequacy?
Our journey toward wellness is slow and requires the patience of others and most importantly from ourselves. We fail to show ourselves we are worthy of this patience and compromise our plan of care when we do not make ourselves clear. This means communicating our needs and asking to be seen as capable and worth our own care and our autonomy to drive that care. Asking those around us to support our confidence by telling them how they are interfering with it is far from easy. Learning to communicate and teaching others how to most supportively communicate with us, is work, and out of many people’s comfort zone.
Understanding our worth as humans requires honesty about our challenges and seeking support without shame. We can learn to normalize guilt, recognize our needs and strive to be our best selves. We deserve to be seen as capable of steering our own life’s journey.