For a long time, authenticity felt like a myth, something for others, but not for me. I saw it as some fluffy, unattainable ideal, and honestly, embracing it felt terrifying. Authenticity isn’t a destination; it’s a daily practice of self-honesty. A powerful form of personal alchemy and I know firsthand the consequences of rejecting this truth.
Thirteen years ago, I began my journey into recovery after struggling with substance use. Trying to hide my pain and insecurity, to bury the emotional chaos inside me so that others wouldn’t have to be uncomfortable, I abandoned the very core of who I was. The denial wasn’t just about seeking belonging; it was about trying to disappear. It was a slow, toxic erosion of my spirit.
Strangely, I now feel gratitude for that time. Trauma drove me to denial, but recovery and post-traumatic growth deepened my connection to authenticity. Crisis forced me to start building a life based on who I actually am, not who I thought I should be.
Today, maintaining naturally authenticity comes down to a handful of habits. They are simple, but they take intentional, honest reflection. Here is what I’ve embraced in my healing journey:
1. I Refuse to Live by Others’ Expectations at My Own Expense
Self-neglect was fuel for my substance dependence. For years, I did the things my inner autopilot thought made me worthy of care, tying my views of myself and the world to external validation. Today, if something drains my energy or compromises my core values, I stop. Full stop for rest and reflection. My priority is to make my life an expression of my own desire, not a reaction to someone else’s expectations.
2. I Don’t Hide My True Feelings from Others
In the center of addiction, numbing became my survival skill. I learned to suppress every uncomfortable, painful, or inconvenient feeling. The real work of recovery was learning to feel everything again. Now, authenticity means dropping the mask and managing the vulnerability that comes with sharing my true emotions. I’ve discovered that when I openly acknowledge my grief, anger, or fear with a trusted person; whether it’s a close friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger in the right moment, those feelings lose their power over me. Honesty is the fastest path to intimacy with me and with the world.
3. I Don’t Neglect Myself
Self-neglect fueled my substance dependence. I was so busy running myself ragged for others that I didn’t notice how depleted I’d become. Through recovery, I learned that self-care is essential for protecting my physical and emotional well-being and it’s fundamental to living authentically. Honoring my need for time alone and to recharge my capacity, whether it’s a quiet hour with a book or a hike in the woods, keeps me centered and connected to my inner voice.
4. I Seek Out Stories That Inspire Me
I am extremely protective of my energetic space. In the past, I drowned in negativity, the news, gossip and drama because it was a distraction. I used to believe that so many details around me mattered, and I placed too much importance on keeping track of things that weren’t mine to manage, even when it overwhelmed me. Now, I curate my environment. I actively seek out activities, podcasts, and people who feed my soul, challenge my intellect, and fill me with hope. Energy flows where my attention goes. If I want to live a badass life, I need to immerse myself in inspiring stories that remind me of my own capability for growth and creation.
5. I Get to Know Myself Better Than Anyone Else
This is the alchemy itself. Recovery taught me to listen to my intuition, that quiet, gut feeling that was so easily drowned out by the noise of emotional survival. I make space to understand my strengths, my weaknesses, my passions, and my motives. I am no longer asking, “What should I be doing?” I am asking, “What makes me feel passionate, alive, and genuine?” By focusing on my own inner compass, I ensure that the choices I make are in alignment with my actual true self.
Authenticity is the gift of post-traumatic growth. It’s the realization that everything I once tried to escape is now the source of my greatest power. My past denial was a trap, my present commitment to these five habits brings freedom.
I want to acknowledge the strong, absolute language in those five points: phrases like “I Don’t” or “I Refuse.” I chose this wording intentionally, because these are not just descriptions, but affirmations and guiding principles I strive to live by. While I may not embody them perfectly every day, they represent the clear, non-negotiable values I prioritize at the core of my life.
