Finding Points of Choice
A sense of personal authority or agency refers to a feeling of control over your actions and their outcomes and consequences. You can actively build the awareness that you are interacting with your nervous system to initiate, execute, and take action, knowing life has choice points even when there are many aspects outside of choice and control. This sense builds assets and provides skill in recognizing choice points in your life. For some of us it takes finding patience and creative consideration when managing complex choices. Having agency over your life means taking time to process, remaining mindful of emotional and physical stress to think more clearly, reduce self-judgment and build confidence as a self-advocate. With a sense of agency, we can prioritize our capacity and:
- Control stimuli: Overstimulation is a state of stress experienced when there is too much happening in the environment and senses are overloaded. You can learn how stimuli interact with your mindset. By managing your tolerance and taking breaks from sensory stimuli you reduce sensory fatigue and help regain focus. Divided attention can be subconscious and takes away from feeling clear in thought. With agency, you remain aware of stimuli and how it distracts, then choose what to do next in alignment with your tolerance to experience possible overwhelm.
- Associate selectively: Seek out like-minded influences and set boundaries with those who drain your energy. Interact with individuals and communities of people who encourage you to reach your full potential, nurture your talents, affirm your values and complex decisions, and give you a reality check when you have behaved badly or are stuck in negative thinking. Set boundaries with difficult people, disentangle yourself from negative online interactions, and become conscious of how vulnerable humans can be to the attitude and mindset of others.
- Move: Physical activity, along with proper rest and nutrition, fuels your body and mind, boosting motivation and emotional flexibility. Changing environment and intentional movement bring us into our physical body, where we can become unconditionally willing to have emotions and build tolerance. We can take responsibility to ensure our physical needs are met.
- Position yourself as a learner: Embrace curiosity and continuous learning. This open, collaborative approach helps you grow and adapt. Practice growth mindset with other people by staying curious and asking them open-ended questions, then listen to gain understanding, avoiding any quick judgments. Ask for clarity and find questions that may bring more understanding. You can give others permission and the opportunity to correct misunderstandings and explain varied perspectives. We can expand our learning by adopting a more open, collaborative approach to everything in life. Learning about ourselves and remaining open to change and emotional discomfort requires a curious attitude and authority over expanding coping skills and nurturing the desire to explore personal growth.
- Process emotions and beliefs: Often, we operate from unconscious beliefs that can create self-doubt and prevent us from trying new things. When driven by unconscious emotions such as fear, sadness, or worry, our energy can be drained, making us feel overwhelmed and without assertive motivation. Being aware of how your emotions and beliefs shape your thoughts, influence your actions, and affect your judgment can help you navigate life with greater confidence. Instead of automatically accepting harmful emotions or dwelling on them, take a moment to pause and question them. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way? Am I putting too much pressure on myself?”, “Is there something I need?” Consciously release the tension in your muscles. These simple techniques can help you relax and maintain self-awareness. By learning to recognize, name, and let our inner emotions and thoughts pass through us, we can practice better self-control and build greater personal agency.
- Check your intuition: Intuition is like deep inner knowing comprised of millions of data points our brains have observed over our lives. When used wisely, it can boost creativity and help make important decisions. At the same time, care must be taken not to confuse intuition with bias, fear and stereotypes. You can improve intuition to inform your decision-making in emotional situations. As you learn to quiet your mind, develop greater awareness of what you are thinking and feeling, and listen to your body, you will change your relationship with inner signals. Authority develops when we consider errors in thinking that ignore inner signals and practice directing attention to the information contained there.
- Deliberate, then act: There are always self-imposed limitations when trying to make decisions. We may notice procrastination, obsess over details, worry excessively, lack confidence, be risk-averse, or act on impulse. Pausing before acting makes space for reflection and exploration. Make time to calm your emotions before considering a complex situation or experience. It is helpful to have a person you can talk with. Sort out thoughts through writing. Intend not to hold back or judge your thoughts (usually lots of swear words in mine), you can destroy it after if you wish. Writing may not be your thing, there is evidence singing our frustrations uses different pathways and reduces distress. Deep breaths are effective. Whatever works for you to take a moment before responding or reacting, own your right to that.
We move through life more effectively and nurture a growth mindset when we feel in charge of what we feel and think. The inner process of emotion and thought can be complex. We can simplify by taking steps to look at things holistically with logic, emotional consideration and intentional reflection. Increasing our sense of authority, builds confidence to assert agency toward our inner balance and live our life to the best of our ability, in the moment we are experiencing.
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