What are Stuck Points?  Stuck points are thoughts that hinder recovery and post-traumatic growth. They may not be entirely accurate and can include rigid and concise thoughts about a trauma’s cause or changes in oneself, others, and the world. These narratives may not be conscious thoughts.

Stuck points are often “if…then” statements.

What is NOT a Stuck Point?  Behaviors, feelings, facts, questions, and moral statements are not stuck points. For example, “I fight with my daughter all the time” is not a stuck point, because it describes a behavior. Instead, consider what thoughts you have when you are fighting with your daughter, such as “My daughter is always against me.”

Stuck points can be categorized into several themes:

• Self-Blame: “If I had done my job better, then other people would not be upset,” “Other people were harmed because I messed up,” “Because I did not tell anyone, I am to blame for the abuse,” “Because I did not fight against my attacker, the abuse is my fault,” “If I had been paying attention, the situation would not have happened,” “I don’t deserve to live because of a dramatic mistake.”

• Fear of Vulnerability: “If I let other people get close to me, I’ll get hurt again,” “Expressing any emotion means I will lose control of myself,” “I must be on guard at all times,” “I should be able to protect others,” “I must control everything that happens to me,” “Mistakes are intolerable.”

• Isolation and Misunderstanding: “No one can understand me and my experience,” “If I let myself think about what has happened, I will never get it out of my mind or vice versa.”

• Aggression and Control: “I must respond to all threats with aggression.” “It is necessary to be on guard to prevent future harm.”

• Self-Worth and Trust: “I can never really be a good, moral person again because of the things that I have done. I am unlovable,” “Other people should not be trusted,” “Other people should not trust me.”

• Guilt and Shame: “If I have a happy life, I will be dishonoring the event,” “I am damaged forever because of trauma,” “I am inherently bad  because my behavior harmed others,” “I have no right to participate in things I enjoy,” “I am worthless because I couldn’t control what happened,” “I deserve to be stuck here.”

Identify the Stuck Point: Identify the thought that is causing you distress. This might be a thought that you keep repeating to yourself or a belief that you hold about yourself or the world.

Question the Stuck Point: Ask yourself if the thought is always true. Is there evidence to support it? Is it possible that there are other explanations?

Challenge the Stuck Point: Challenge the thought by looking for evidence that contradicts it. For example, if you believe that you are to blame for a traumatic event, notice there is always more than one factor and one tragic mistake does make someone a ‘bad’ person.

Replace the Stuck Point: Once you have challenged the thought, try to replace it with a more helpful thought. For example, instead of thinking “I could have done something about the abuse,” you could think “I did the best I could in a difficult situation.”

Practice: Try to catch yourself when you are stuck in the thinking and challenge it. Over time, the new thought will become more automatic.

Seek Support: If you are having trouble changing a stuck point, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you identify and challenge the thought, and provide suggestions and support as you work to change it.

Living in the present allows us to be with these challenging mindsets and learn to feel safe without the barriers created by the cycle of thinking that provides a false sense of control and therefore the illusion of emotional safety.

Changing stuck points takes time and practice, but it is possible. Knowing this is an automatic response we have conditioned to feel in control, allows us to find choice points to change the narrative. Our mind is made to problem solve, and can easily believe this serves us. By challenging and replacing the stuck thought, you can move toward recovery and away from the limited thinking trauma responses can create.

Copyright © 2024 by Lisa Colbert. Some rights reserved. (Click to learn more)

Disclaimer: Lisa is a personal development coach who offers self-help support, groups, and training to help you sort out the inner bias and narrative that responds subconsciously and with inaccuracy in all humans. Her coaching is based on her shared lived experience and personal growth. Lisa is not a therapist, nor an accredited health care provider. Her coaching is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice. Read full disclaimer here.